Yeah. Just decided that too few words can't actually bring out that..... "thing" sufficiently. I blame someone's blog post for that.
So.
What do you think of stalkers? Scary? Eerie? Mean? Weird? Or just plain annoying?
Well, I used to think they were all of that up there. Which is saying, yup, I've been stalked before. It's sort of like those times when you feel like you could just cut open their brains and see what the hell do they want, or why the hell are they following each sneeze and each step you take. Sometimes, though, it makes you wanna hide in a corner and never come out.
But now...
I'm on the other side now. I'm, proudly, officially, a stalker.
I am very tempted to point fingers at others for this strange... habit... I'd developed, but no. Others can't make me fall in love. Or have a crush. Or whatever that concerns the heart.
It wasn't really that bad at first. See, we had our first meeting, supposedly, during my Orientation week, which was fab by the way, and he was one of the popular facilitators who conducted the meetings and gatherings. My friends and I, namely the ever eyebrow-raising YY, and of course, Beauty-Queen-Stalker GY, and our new gossip queen/ matchmaker MR, started this stupid game.
Or should I say, Beauty-Queen-Stalker GY started the game?
But that's another story I'll keep. For now.
Back to our story.
You see, there were a few quite good-looking guys out there in front, trying to get all of us monkeys in control and conduct the gatherings properly. And us, being typical teenage girls deprived of books-and-other-boredom-chasing-stuff began matchmaking. Of course, it was totally one sided, and everyone, being typical teenagers, denied the matches made, even though some of them was rather, shall I say, thrilling.
So yeah. YY got paired with our ever charming jabberjay (for quite a long time too, shall I say), GY with the celebrity-lookalike, and me, yup, you guessed it. Mr E.
I can't say that I wasn't thrilled. I can't even say I didn't deny it. I denied everything, of course, though some times (especially like NOW) it's kinda cool when you think back of it. Funny too. My objections 'fight' wasn't as intense as the others though (YY and the Jabberjay, GY and the Lookalike) but then again, the gossip flying through the air about YY and GY were far greater in intensity than mine.
I didn't have to put up much of a fight. :) And boy, am I thankful for that! Hell hath no fury like a woman in denial!
So back to the reason why I've been initiated into the ranks of Stalkers.Co. You see, Me and my classmates, we were supposedly attending an event and celebrating our act-- which went beautifully, by the way-- when Mr E came out, complete with the dazzling smile.
Well, I wasn't really dazzled, then, but still.
I was still fidgeting around with the uncomfortable costume and giggling away when he started. Oh my. I don't think I can fully describe what I felt then. It was like someone had suddenly turned off all the music and only one tune filled the air. His tune.
I think pretty much everyone knows I love music(among other things), and I admire almost everyone who makes beautiful music. I'd fallen in love with so many musicians out there I've lost count, but none of them, as near as this.
Ok, I'll admit, I've heard better, but still. I had lots of peer pressure around me. *wags finger at classmates*
Anyway, the night passed, and he was soon forgotten.
Or was he?
In our group during this Co-curricular thing we have going on, I was put in charge for the publicity towards the seniors, about this event we were running. Thus, our paths crossed again. Now, keep in mind that he was forgotten (well, almost) after that night, and I was caught in the throes of nightmarish topic tests and unfinished homework. I didn't give the task (publicizing the event to the seniors) much thought, until two of my classmates came along.
I figured the word 'classmates' was too tame. I'm gonna refer to them as 'tigresses' from now on.
So this two tigresses found out about my task, and figured, hey! Since Mr E's among the seniors, why not go together and get peeks and glances of him through the window while dear Vivien hauls her a** up to the third floor and work on the publicity job?
They did, eventually, helped me to collect donations and stuff, and I'm infinitely grateful, but still. It's the 'motivation' behind the whole thing that mattered. Not to say I didn't appreciate the support they gave. Some of the classes were just plain scary.
So yeah. We went for a few times, and me, being the coward I was when it comes to meeting strangers, couldn't bring myself to interrupt the classes going on. So we strolled along the corridors like haunted ghosts until they had their break. And as I went into his class...
Shall I stop here? No? Aw, Dang it. My fingers were getting numb.
As I went into his class, I asked to see the representative of the class. Surprise surprise. He was the one. (as in the class rep, not the 'ONE' , you romantic idiots) I shall take pride in saying I totally kept my cool while I explained what I was supposed to, when my tigress friends were positively drooling. It wasn't much of an accomplishment, since I wasn't even entertaining the notion of admiring his talents.
Yet.
And then he started to talk.
Oh.
My.
God.
The way he held himself when he talks, and the way he exudes total confidence and a willingness to help... He was polite, he was convincing, he was charismatic, he speaks clearly, fluently and maintains eye contact throughout the conversation, attentive; he exudes the air of someone who wants to help. He speaks not too loudly, yet the tone held something I couldn't quite put my finger on.
The first thing he said when he came out was something along the lines of, "This is about the charity run, right? Here's the thing..." And he went on to explain the activities they had planned on that day, sounding almost apologetic, but not quite. Argh. I don't remember anyway. It was all fuzzy.
Funny. Things seldom get fuzzy.
Oh, wait. They do. A lot. Usually when I doze off into dreamworld.
And then he said something along the lines of, "you want six, right? I can force them if you want..."
Yup. I guess that was it. I mean, I'm a class representative myself, and I know how hard it is to try to get people to join things and activities (note TRY), and also to go about it in a way that they don't get unhappy or angry. But he used the word force, in perfect confidence. (and I probably should mention he looked perfectly cool. Like those leading roles in Korean Dramas where the guy is a rich and capable manager or some thing similar.)
*eyebrows raised*
It's all I've ever dreamed of being. I admire it, the ease with which he holds himself with. I guess I've always been a little self-conscious and a little too rule-following that I'd rarely break rules. I never had the total ease and confidence he exudes when I had responsibilities like being the class representative, or a leader. I doubt myself a lot and I try to keep everyone happy to the best of my abilities. I know I can't keep everyone happy, but I still try, because, after all, you're gonna have to work with them.
But this... I might not know the history behind the ease and the confidence, I may not know how he gets along with the others, but what I do know is, if I were the boss, I'd like someone like that to be my employee. I don't know. Maybe this is the main cause of my initiation into Stalkers.Co, maybe it was the singing thing.
Probably a combination of both though.
That was when I began to feel really happy with the publicity job I've been given. I could pass by that class with a reason (else I'd never haul all xx kilos of me up to the third floor) and I could speak to him and see that again.
It's all rather crazy, you might say.
I would agree with you. Totally.
What's more, with those two tigresses fanning the fire (oh boy, those two were really really infatuated. I wasn't even that bad. And god knows, I'm bad enough. Peer pressure really is powerful, especially when those two are in.) and the combined stress of exams and unfinished homework, I decided I need to walk around a bit and get the publicity job done as soon as possible.
Excuses, excuses.
But me being typical me, I didn't dare to even steal a glance at him. And maybe I'm just not really that keen on stealing glances. (who am I kidding?) I don't do stares. I don't do gaping. All I did was take a fleeting glance and then turn my gaze to the other people in the class to make it seem like I'm addressing the whole class, which I'm supposed to do anyway. Even when passing by, I make it seem like I'm checking to see if the teacher's teaching. I guess I'm just trying to be as subtle as possible.
Successful? Or not? You can't ask me. I won't know. Ask him. But tell me before you do. I wanna be there.
Then again, maybe not. Dangerous waters, this is.
Sigh. I guess I'm not in love LOVE. I'm just admiring. And maybe it's just the hormones.
But all I know is, I've finally had a first in stalking. (mild stalking, really! I don't think about it every second, I don't notice him until those two tigresses point him out. Those two are the real stalkers. I'm really telling the truth. I swear on Severus Snape's most expensive ingredient. ) It's not really stalking, really, but I'm classifying it as such.
Admiring from a distance eventually equals to stalking. Everyone has a first, and this is mine.
And I'm liking it every second.
P.s. Doesn't mean I approve of other people stalking me. I'll cut your throats out, I will.
