Mémoire du passé = 2010 (Part 1)

Yup. Memoire du passe. Memory of the past. with a few more days, the very much eventful year 2010 will be yet another chapter in the book of the past, and a new page will fill itself, as is the norm of life. very much, and yet, painfully less can be said about this year, as points of view changes with time and sometimes it is fated that we view more and maybe less of what we may have needed to view at times.


I'd have to start with the things that mattered the most. fine, you guessed it. SPM (shudders). to people, it may serve as the only purpose throughout this whole year (shudders again). i don't know why, but it seems that this seemingly innocent event can be the cause of so many tragedies in our lives. SPM is the nightmare of all nightmares, the war of all wars, the wound of all wounds, the... well, you get the picture. But out of this--event, not only were many secrets revealed, but friendships re-speculated, intentions re-pondered. under extraordinary duress, many people resort to primitive ways of de-stressing, thus leading to uncomely conduct of behaviour. and due to this, foul epidemic that spreads like wildflowers, many friendships were destroyed, trusts broken, promises ruined. memories that were yet to be created just vanished, as if they'd never meant to be created at all. thus is the ways of humanity, the ugliness of humanity that descends upon us humans under stress, an appalling image that haunts us not only in nightmares, but in the living as well.


OMG. I'd just read back on what i wrote and i sound...i can't really find the word. *shakes head to dispel whatever stray thoughts.* i think I've been reading too many fanfic...*shakes head again*


back to the topic. so I'm just saying that I've witnessed and experienced this unsightly epidemic at the climax of its ramifications, first hand. i myself had been both the victim, and also--sad to admit--the culprit. it's hard to control yourself, harder even to know that you've lost control. you might lash out at a person and then regret it later, although there's no way you could take back those despicable words later. and that regret... i wouldn't wish it upon anyone, not even Voldemort. And i realised, SPM was only the beginning of the beginning. SPM is just the first stop of whatever that causes such appalling display of humanity, or, the worst of it. we lash out, then we lash out, and then we lash out. is this life then? Lashing out and then regretting it? can't really imagine.


but through all of this, there's still hope for us, as it might appear. there are people who understands, who tolerates, and who forgives. these are the ones who truly, is a friend. they listen to your troubles, understand you without words, and where words and advices fail, they offer compassion, companionship to what we are going through. and in my case, I'm incredibly lucky to find, not only one, but a handful of these kinda friends. true, they might not be there ALL the time, but still, they are there. these are the people who created laughter and joy throughout this year, with me, at me, by me. and because of them, we never had a stifling (well, never is a strong word, but you get the idea) moment, and we made it through this year with lots and lots more memories to share and to cherish. (with teachers (pn wee!!) too... as weird as that may sound)


and the greatest victory for me this year? my greatest enemy since Primary 1 (greatest is a strong word, but yeah...yada yada...you get the idea) turned out to be one of my bestest friend ever. we communicate without words (and with too many words that sometimes irritate our classmates) and could understand each other perfectly well, as our thoughts are eeriely, tuned together (we think of the same things and the same times, always. JINX!) . as she always said : soulmates, eh? So, right here right now, i grant myself, and her, a little leeway, and give us a chance in her strange way of choosing a soulmate (same sex? not strange? well. *shrugs*) so soulmates, till....(dare i say it?) ... forever.


so with this, i end the summary of this year, in this incredibly, infinitely deserted 'diary' of mine. a memory, kept, till the end of time.

I do

Whew. One more paper left. And i'm left to boredom and bliss. anyhow, i had the first taste of utter bliss yesterday, and i really hope that's how our friendship's gonna last for the rest of my life.




Chinese literature had me sleeping at twelve thirty and out of bed by five, furiously, desperately cramming seemingly endless information into a very reluctant brain. then a drizzle, a bout of rain, and then, naturally, a storm. as if i wasn't shivering enough from the absolute fright and panic. then, after two and a half hours of constant shivering(cold and fright), endless door banging(furious winds), mild cursing(if you call that mild, that is) and a severe bout of hand-wrist malfunction, i was finally walking out of the halls, pencils and pens in hand, finally free of the clutches of my deepest fear--the Chinese literature exam.


as i walk out of the halls, i suddenly had an insight of how the leading role in the romance films always felt-- the strolling-down-the-streets-while-the-wind-blows-your-hair-back-with-the-accompaniment-of-a-string-quintet-playing-out-a-wonderful-tune. well, the blowing hair part was literal, anyway, cause the wind was really driving my hair into clumps of unidentified mess.


then, as i made my way to the front door, a catcall from my side, and there they were, standing there as if they just belonged at my side, waiting for a day of laughter and joy at my place. a ride home, and we were slumped on the couch, lazily watching our eyes off with incredibly romantic films like The Proposal, Letters to Juliet, Pride and Prejudice, Confessions of a Shopaholic, and then The Last Airbender, and The Sorcerer's Apprentice, all the while exchanging sarcastic, interesting comments about the awkwardness, cheesiness, romance of the movies, and the hot guys, cute guys and incredible guys, being chewed out with questions about how the movies gonna end(i'm the one being chewed out, sadly.) and suddenly running out of the house to take a look at those cute little dogs that lived nearby.


then we had funny, "inspiring" conversations about almost everything while having pizza, while one of us uncannily revealed the past(or the present) about her love story while we twisted it around to make another story worth of a movie. we gorged ourselves on potato crisps, an assortment of "junk" food, and 'ooh's and 'aah's as results of the incredible movies. it wasn't until almost half and hour to twelve that we finally reluctantly decided that we couldn't delay the inevitable goodbyes. and so good byes ensued and the night witness the passing of another day.


later that night, in bed, i couldn't help but reflect back on the day, a small smile on my face, and i wondered. Would this last forever? I know, forever is an awfully long long time, but still. would we still be like this, laughing away even after school? would we still stay in touch after going in separate directions, chasing different dreams and working our asses off in various parts of the world? Would we still stay in touch, by post or by mail, by long distance phone calls, or impromptu coffee dates? Would we still laugh together without any care in the world like we did today, gossip viciously as we did today, snuggle down in the sofa and just savouring the presence of each other, just like we did today? would we be like Samantha and the girls in Sex and the City, to just share the joys and fears of growing up, of growing old, of responsibilities, of the engagement rings, the weddings, the kids and all of that, to just be there for each other, no matter what?Would we, after sixty years, sit our seventy-seven-year-old bodies at the front porch and reflect back on the day we first met, almost seventy years ago?


So many questions, and no answers. So simple dreams yet so many possibilities. I hate mysteries, but that's what life is, a big complicated mesh of mysteries. I hate being kept in the dark, but that's what the future is, dark and folded. i ask these questions, and wish--for i can only wish--that these answers are what i will enjoy. I ask these questions, and hope--for there's only hope--that someday, in my twilight years, i will look back and never regret my life. Cause i truly, deeply, madly, fervently wish, hope and want this special bond of ours to last till forever.


So here, i pose this question--do you, my friends, take this emotionally-unstable, sometimes weird, mostly big headed girl as a friend, and be hers, in health and sickness alike, till death do us part?


my answer to you?


I do.