Bad Day

As if being so completely out of sync with lectures wasn't bad enough.

I used to tell myself, everything happens for a reason. I believe it sometimes; sometimes though, I just can't find a good side, a good reason that explains stuff that happen. Shit happens, and without reason sometimes.

I'd looked forward to this weekend. I'd finally have a chance to catch up with lectures right before the quiz, I'd be alone, I'd go buy sweet crunchy apples and carrots, I'd play ball; I'd have the time of my life. It was going to be legendary.

It was supposed to be. Legend....waitforit...dary. I guess I was stuck in the wait-for-it part. 

I set my alarm for eight. To rise bright and early, with a fresh mind and a cup of fragrant coffee to start the day.

And that was the first thing that went wrong.

For some reason, my phone shut down and the alarm didn't go off. And me being me, I'd slept until the sun was in my face -- SUN! SUN IN DUBLIN is a miracle! If you haven't already experience it ( you lucky little thing) being shocked out of bed is NOT a good feeling, especially when you promptly fall out of bed because the sheets were all tangled together.

I pushed on. Being late doesn't deter me from the much-awaited shopping trip. Grocery shopping gives me such joy. All those fresh vegetables labelled with phenomenal prices. Meat, bread, milk. Fruits. Walked for thirty minutes to get there. Found out that apples were twice the normal price. Grapes were small and brownish. Leafy vegetables were leafless.  Carrots were broken into pieces.

My heart was broken into more pieces.

I'd imagined much more pieces than that. 

But I pushed on still. I bought what I could salvage, which turned out to be quite a lot. I ended up with more weight on my back than I'd expected, so naturally that led me to the decision to take a bus back home instead of just dumping everything at school. I wasn't about to walk 30 minutes back at night with the added weight of a laptop! And since I was taking the bus, why not go to Tesco as well to finish the shopping list I had instead of waiting for another day?

Naturally, the minute I decided to take the bus, my phone shut down again (what is wrong with the stupid thing?!) so I had to rely on my memory for the bus route. Of course, my memory being what it is, I walked for fifteen minutes before giving up and started searching for the bus that would bring me home instead of Tesco.

Tthe second I decided that, I stumbled on the appropriate bus to Tesco and promptly missed it. And so I waited for another 15 minutes, all the while wondering how I thought I would get any studying done.

Oh. Did I mention it started to rain somewhere along the way?

It was sunny two minutes ago. :(

Lugging two bags full of groceries back home was torture. Especially when you're tired, and frustrated, and so near to tears that you want to just sit down in a corner and bawl until someone offers you a ride home.

Got home at half twelve, and told myself that there was enough time for a quick lunch before the much-anticipated badminton session. I knew I had to move out before half-one to meet my VERY-KIND-HEARTED-FRIEND-who-offered-to-show-me-the-way-to-the-court-because-I-was-terrible-at-directions.

I totally should have expected that stomachache at exactly 1.30pm.

Halfway through the badminton sesh (that free pizza was the highlight of my day though. PIZZA RULES! ) someone mentioned it was the 5th today.

Yup. Mom's birthday.

I'd lost track of the date amidst today's adventure that I'd forgotten Mom's birthday!  I could definitely be nominated for the daughter of the year. Rushed to my phone to call or text or whatever and got a message telling me : hey dude you're out of credit.

I wanted to throw my phone (or basically anything) on the floor and smush it to pieces then and there.

Got to library after that and started studying-- a semblance of it, anyway. Expected library to close at 1am, I was so getting in the mood, the drive of understanding stuff when the girl came in and rang the bell. Library's closing (because the 1am thingy only starts on the 8th of April) and just when I was getting the drive to study!

And so I ended up here, 'cause I can't focus anymore. Too many things happened today that all I want now is to rant. To yell and scream and bawl my eyes out at my own stupidity, at the unfairness of it all. I wanted to pull all my hair out and curl into a ball and just fade out of existence.

And now I just want to escape into my sheets and get all tangled up inside.

I had a bad day.

And I hate it.

I hate that I did nothing productive today, except for all the food I brought back -- which isn't really a good idea.

I hate that I had to pretend to be oblivious to it all when all it does is hurt -- it pokes you constantly in the side, in the arse, in the heart;everywhere.

I hate that stuff makes me feel this way but I still throw myself into it like a foolish moth attracted to fire, all the while helping to build the fire, digging my own grave.

I hate that I could never master self-control, and that my heart does whatever it wants despite what the brain tells it to.

I hate that life sometimes throws lemons at you and they get so crushed and mushed up that you can't make any lemonade from it. And there's no sugar.

I'm still trying to find a reason today happened. Maybe it's just here to remind me there are good days I should cherish. Maybe it's just here to tell me, hey, life ain't a bed of roses; you need to deal with the thorns as well.

Who am I fooling? Today was just bad luck. Period.

Let's just go back to the safe haven.