Sometimes I just want to hide.

Sometimes I just wanna lock myself away in some far away room where only me and myself exist. Only me, my books, my music. Nothing else.

I used to be able to do just that, to lock myself in my room, escape from all those people, all those work; all the hustle bustle of life in general.

It's what a coward would do, I suppose. To hide away oneself.

But sometimes I can't stand it. I'm not brave. I'm not courageous. I'm the very definition of a coward where it matters. I'm weak, I'm fearful, I'm cowardly.

Sometimes I get this strange urges to just cry, with no reason at all. But I never do. Because I'm weak, because I'm too afraid of what people will think of me. I don't like to cry in front of others; maybe that's because it's the only way I can be brave for once.

But now, I don't find that courage even to just hide myself away. Even when I put on my ear phones, I leave space for other sounds and noises to enter. I don't hide myself away in my room anymore.

 I'm afraid of what'll happen when I lose myself in my world. I'm afraid what people will say when I'm not listening.

It's weak of me. To want to please. To want to make everyone happy.

Sometimes I just want to not care.

But I never could. I always did care..

And I hate it.