And To Goodbyes, We Say Hello Again

It never is, is it?

Isn't it funny, that no matter how many times you say goodbye -- practice saying it, actually saying it -- you never really get to have the perfect goodbye? After all, they say, practice makes perfect.

Saying goodbyes takes forever, I've heard once. Never really knew what it meant then, but as time passes, as more and more goodbyes loom ahead, the meaning regains clarity. It isn't the act itself, saying goodbye that takes time, I don't think. It's being truly able to accept the fact that this (whatever it is you're saying goodbye to) is the past. It's not going to happen again, it's not going to return to however it was before you said goodbye. 

It's sort of like a death, I guess. Where deaths have FUN-erals, farewells have GOOD-byes. All the oxymorons we really ought to ponder on. Perhaps it has more within the syllables than the word. 

I meant it hypothetically. =.=

Ignore my senseless ranting if you don't understand the workings of this convoluted mind. Sometimes I get lost inside too. 

Well, seeing that I'm saying hello to another goodbye, let's look back at this past year ( of course, provided my holey memory remembers ) -- all the fun, all the guns, all those crazy stuff we cried and laughed together. All those stuff you can only say goodbye to, but never really be apart from. 

After all, they say it's stuff like this that makes up who you are, eh?

That's me right there, right after the tests made me who I am.

Of course, first of all -- being nineteen. My final year as a teenager. Well, then again, I could still act like a teenager, but it won't be the same, I don't think. The 2 that's waiting to stand in front of my age sounds daunting though. Twenty. TWENTY. Urgh. 

I swear, Mr 2 just cackled in glee for having a new home --  my age.

Well, at least I think I had a good year. Broke some rules, broke some limits, broke some habits (made a lot more though); found a good lot of friends, found some things I'd thought I'd lost, found what it means to be nineteen -- what it means to be free, but never truly free. *snorts* Guess I also found a way to be really really contradicting. :P 

Goodbye Nineteen. Perhaps we'll meet again someday. Perhaps. 

I don't jiggle 'em much, but when I do, I slam it. Like. A. Boss. 

Then there's all the time I had to read books this year --considerably lesser than when I was in secondary school but that's to be expected I guess. I have a feeling free time's going to be even more elusive next year. And by next year, I mean tomorrow. Dang. I even had to spend New Year and its eve away from home. Not a very auspicious start for a year. 

Talk about auspicious. Don't even get me started about my results. AND the pending one. 

Perhaps this is one goodbye I'm the most reluctant to say. 

Goodbye, reading time. I'll find you whenever I can. 

I'm actually under all the books. Really. 

Then let's talk about hormones. I thought being out of puberty ( I hope I'm out already) hormones won't be scary. But it seems that my control over emotions are slipping away like eels. I hope to find them back by next year, but judging by the way things are right now.... 

Goodbye, me lovely control over my hormones. *sobs*

I think that's enough goodbyes for a day. There's bound to be more soon, seeing as this is the year we are all going in our different directions, scattered all over the world. 

Better say it first and let it sink in slowly. 

Goodbye friends.

Dry pants. Finally. Something good from a goodbye. 

This one year I regained my fun in words, this one year the joy of reading and writing was lost and found, this one year when everyday was like flying on top of the world with the viewpoint of an insect, this one year that was swifter than an arrow but slower than a snail, this one year when music ruled my world, this one year which felt like a dream even when I'm on my feet, even when I'm on the ground. 

2012 was a good year, maybe even one of the best I'll have. 

But I guess things never do stay the same no matter how much you want it to. So I'll have to say it.

Goodbye year. 

I'll miss you.