Just When I'm Missing You

It's kinda funny when these moments hit you, and you have absolutely no idea how to face them. Like exams flying into your face at a speed you know is going to smash your face in. Or a sore throat clawing at your throat cackling 'I'm coming' just when you were settling down for a sumptuous durian feast.

Exams tend to say that to me. :(

Or waking up every morning with one person in your mind and realising, oh, wait. I'm not supposed to be missing you.

Maybe it's too much T.Swift--god knows I do too much of that-- with her crooning I remember it all too well constantly into my ear, I reckon that's gotta mess up a girl's mind.  

I've been toying around with some words recently; words I'd written years before, words others had written, words that are resurfacing after a long absence. Sometimes these words bring back unwanted, unexpected memories or flashbacks, and pair 'em up with Tswift, you get a complete mesh of blubber--me. Pair that up with a sore throat, a persistent cough, too much free time and a depressing book like Atonement...

I just don't feel like chasing a ball, you know?

Well, I'll leave the effects to your imagination. 

Anyway, listening to Swift's I Almost Do had me crooning along, meaning the words with all my heart. I may not know the true heartbreak behind the words yet, but maybe --just maybe-- I'm feeling a shadow of what it might feel like. And it sucks. 

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you, because each time you reach out there's not reply. I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye.

She's right, you know. Sometimes it's a form of self-defence. To protect yourself from the unknown. 'Cause you never know when it's gonna turn back and hit you --hard-- right where it hurts. 

Realising we are not who we were any more, just when I'm missing you. 

Random words at random hours.

Random feelings. 

Random thoughts.